Bipolar?... Oh i think so

How can i go from someone who is hyper and happy and just can't stop laughing to someone who is cruel and mean and sees everything as a negative.


This happened to be at work yesterday.


I was on fries for a bit and i was alright.. just concentrating on getting all the fries done and making sure i don't burn myself, the usual. And then after I had my break everything just started going downwards. I couldn't concentrate, i was pissed off with everyone and i was on dining so that probably wasn't a good thing.


I just felt like running out of there and never coming back.. not just from maccas, but from everything. But then after just an hour of that i snapped back into "happy me".. singing and dancing and acting like a retard as if nothing was wrong.

Sure it was still going on in my head and it kept on running through my mind.. but then there was also the happy thoughts that i was having and they were fighting with one another, who will win.

Is that what my life's come to.. it's either one way or the other. I have to always have this battle with myself about what person i am. How i should act, what i should do, whether i am the nice and happy person that most people see or the bitch that slips out when i can't keep it away and it drains me. I mentally can not handle it.

And it is so hard to concentrate when going through these stages.
I am so behind in everything. Haven't even started revising for exams.. Haven't even finished one of my three assignments which are due tomorrow (which have already been extended) and i just feel so confused.

The moments in my life where i just have no idea where to go, what to do or how to even start approaching this problem. Well know i know what i want to talk about on friday, but how will that help. Oriana you just need to relax and keep everything together. How, how am i supposed to do that when all i feel like is crumbling down and giving in. How am i supposed to block away those negative thoughts, How am i supposed to distinguish myself from a character i play on stage and me in real life when they are so alike.. How do i get away from it. How to i stop myself from falling deeper and deeper in this abyss. I've tried and tried so hard to stop this, but whats the point. I waste all my energy and get what. A day or peace.. maybe two, and then it strikes back twice as hard.
It's just not worth it.