This is just for you xx.

That one person who everyone would think would actually drive us both apart... Actually brought us closer.
We talked about this and that and you approved.
You made me feel accepted.

Then we actually started talking... Talking more then just about that other person. But about ourselves.
And our feelings. And our beliefs. Yours especially.

It helped me understand. Not believe, but understand. But I didn't deserve your friendship at the time.
I was a bitch. I was mean. I was horrible to you and what you believed in. So much so that I appologised so much. But for me it felt like I should never be forgiven.

But you. You let it go. Didn't even bother you.
You let me have my opinion and then discussed it with me.
You were the only one.

That's when we got close.
You knew what to say.
Knew what to say to help me through,
When I literally had thought that was the end.
I was so down.
Felt so low.
You didn't include your belief to help and you didn't include him.
You just discussed what was going on.
And helped me think through it out.
You helped me have a clear head.

You have been one of the only people who have been able to reach me at the level,
and be able to get through my walls.
You have seen the real me, with no fakeness, no lies, no worry's.
Just me.

You helped me get on way to become strong again.
I was no where near it.
But at least it was a start.
You helped me put my mind back on track,
and away from all the distractions,
and hurt,
and worry that I was going through.

And I know that you think that you aren't the best person... Or an amazing person
Or a great friend.
But please. If you ever read this, you will see just how much of an amazing person you are.
And that you are more then you put yourself out to be.

I always and forever will thank you for your help.
xx.

That's right I'm back :)

For good?
I am not sure..

I must say I have missed blogging quite a bit.
It was fun.. It helped me vent, sometimes get in trouble.

I think I have changed.. For the better im hoping.
For some reason things aren't that bad anymore.
For some reason I feel like I can finally control myself again,
Be the person who I have always wanted to be.

Why do I feel different?
I don't know.

All I know that is for once, I actually feel real.
I don't feel fake... I don't feel like a lie.
For once I am just able to be me.

But then I do have my down days when I slip back,
Get lost in who I was and what I was.
How do I get back?
How do I keep myself from making the same mistakes?

I still think about it sometimes.
If it had never had ended.
What would have happened?
How would I have been?
Would it have made me better?

Was it the right choice?
I think so.
I know it.
I see it.
I hear it.
I learn things, new things about this.
And I think.. How could I have not noticed this before?
Why did I not realise this?
Why did I not notice that a life can be a lie.

What's the point in lying?
Hiding behind a wall that can be so easily broken down.
I've learnt.
Lies can never be hidden.
They will be found.
People will know.
So whats the point?
Why do this to the people most important to you,
Didn't you realise it was going to happen?
Didn't you realise that everyone you knew and cared about was just going to leave you in the end.

You.
You helped me change.
You and them and some others.
Some to learn from their stupidity,
Them to learn that people actually care,
Others to know that people are always watching,
and You.
You helped me to be me.
You helped me open and not be afraid.